[ bucky is. still honestly kind of confused on why this kid fixated on him so much when they barely knew each other for two weeks. it's not bad, but also like. oh great now i gotta take care of this kid ]
[ sometimes you just feel like someone died because you're a failure and then you can't stop thinking about it, and it's worse when you know they had an AU life where they got out of their crappy job and really liked the guitar and could have maybe been sort of okay!! ]
Okay. Good.
...Sorry for being like that at that one meeting, though. I mean— I don't think I was wrong, but...
[ he frowns down at the ground. ]
I guess that was probably kind of awkward for you.
It was...nice. That you wanted to stick up for me. But, Sebastian, you know...I've been through a lot worse. Hell, this wasn't even the first time I was incorrectly voted in one of these things. I'm not interested in holding a grudge against anyone who wasn't in their right mind when they killed. All that really mattered was making sure my hostage was safe. Anything past that? I can forgive. Or at least forget.
I... I guess maybe it was a little selfish too, though. I still kept feeling like what happened to you was my fault for failing as a prosecutor, and it was driving me crazy that I couldn't figure out the truth. So finding out that Rin and all these other people had known what really happened for weeks when I'd been beating myself up over it that whole time really... stung a lot.
[ he sighs. ]
And a bunch of stuff happened and then I was mad at both them and myself, and I just... wanted to find a reason to feel less... bad. And I didn't.
[ well doesn't that hit like a punch to the gut. ]
...well...I think you managed that alright. Not the best way, maybe, but...you could've done a hell of a lot worse looking for ways to feel better. Certainly not as bad as I have, in the past.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Don't worry, you didn't.
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Okay. Good.
...Sorry for being like that at that one meeting, though. I mean— I don't think I was wrong, but...
[ he frowns down at the ground. ]
I guess that was probably kind of awkward for you.
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A little, yeah.
It was...nice. That you wanted to stick up for me. But, Sebastian, you know...I've been through a lot worse. Hell, this wasn't even the first time I was incorrectly voted in one of these things. I'm not interested in holding a grudge against anyone who wasn't in their right mind when they killed. All that really mattered was making sure my hostage was safe. Anything past that? I can forgive. Or at least forget.
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[ ... ]
I... I guess maybe it was a little selfish too, though. I still kept feeling like what happened to you was my fault for failing as a prosecutor, and it was driving me crazy that I couldn't figure out the truth. So finding out that Rin and all these other people had known what really happened for weeks when I'd been beating myself up over it that whole time really... stung a lot.
[ he sighs. ]
And a bunch of stuff happened and then I was mad at both them and myself, and I just... wanted to find a reason to feel less... bad. And I didn't.
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...well...I think you managed that alright. Not the best way, maybe, but...you could've done a hell of a lot worse looking for ways to feel better. Certainly not as bad as I have, in the past.